Let’s Nurture!

As I watch nature quenching the thirst of all those spring flowers out there wanting to grow and bloom, it reminds me of how important it that we do this for each other too.  It was so nice to make coffee and breakfast for my friend who is immobilized with a severe knee injury.  To be able to sit on the bed with her and talk about anything on our minds.  It was wonderful to support my husband in his growing self awareness and then to help him pick out his first pair of glasses.  (They make him look really hot!)

The only way I am able to do these things today is because there were amazing friends doing the same for me over this past week.  One person brought me care packages of pedilyte, chicken soup and drugs to make me stop throwing up.  My husband held me while I cried after a heart wrenching day at work.  Yet another friend gave me an incredible massage and showed me how to release heart pain. 

WOW!   Just like the rain feeds the flowers with nutrients, the flowers feed our spirits with beauty and the cycle goes on and on…

 

Gifts, Blessings and Letting Go

I am very aware this morning of the gifts and blessings of my life…like a friend who is teaching an exercise class for free, getting to soak up the sun and the views in Sun Valley, Ryan doing very well attending school full time and reading like a maniac, having time to myself to get treatments, Julianna transitioning out of an uncooperative stage,  Mike and I going to counseling, being able to save for a family vacation to Legoland and getting a great deal on a condo during a sold out summer season,  friends who are willing to watch our animals, a wonderful place to work and two new knitting projects to name a few!

 

These are some amazing gifts and I am thankful.  But here is the crazy thing…I notice that I am spending less time thinking about these great things and more time thinking about something I need to let go of!   What a smack in the face.  It would seem that it would feel better to let go and get on to focusing on the bounty that surrounds me.  It is obvious that, what I need to let go of, is keeping me from really appreciating the work God is doing in my life. So just do it!  Right?  Easier said than done.  

 

It is so hard sometimes to let go.   I’ve been praying for a change of heart, change of mind, cutting cords, talking about it, talking to it, writing about it, visualizing it….but it is still there.  So this morning in my quiet time, the answer I got was LISTEN!  Talk less, do less and listen more.  God is working in me and on me to let go of this situation but it may take time.  The gifts around me are there to encourage me as I struggle with transformation, remind me of how blessed and loved I am even while I am feeling the pain that accompanies letting go. 

 

Family Shift

 I really did mean shift and not another similar word often associated with family dynamics! It might just be me, but after spending some time by myself with my family in Kansas City, I noticed that things are changing between us. I became aware of a new relationship between my dad, my step-mom, my grandmother and myself. It was one that not only seems honest, open and respectful as it has been for awhile, but is seems more mutually caring.

For years my parents cared for me and my grandparents spoiled me. Then for years my parents tried to care for me and I refused but still allowed my grandparents to spoil me. Then came the years where I wanted my parents to care for me and my grandparents to spoil me and neither would. After that came the point where I allowed my parents and granparents to spoil me and I was able to give gratitude and appreciation from my heart.

Thses days the I’ve noticed the shift toward my parents and grandparents allowing me to care for them. They all gave me the opportunity to give them craniosacral and heart centered therapy treatments when I was there. (That was so neat!)  They each are allowing me to do little things for them, appreciating my opinion and welcoming my support in their lives. As a result, I have felt a deeper heart connection and love between us. It is wonderful!

I feel it is often hard for all of us, at one time or another, to allow others to care for us. I see that as our parents and grandparents grow older they may become aware of their need to be cared for. It feels like a blessing to me that my family is allowing be to return the love they have given me for so many years. It is truley a gift to grow together…be it old, round or closer!

 

What a month it has been!

I am shocked that it has been a month since I have written.  Thank you to those who have reminded me of such and asked for more.  Sometimes when there is so much going on, it is hard to get a handle on what it all means.  It takes time and energy to process all that is in my heart, much less get it down on paper.  Let’s just say that there is nothing like time with family, time away from family, time by myself, time with surrounded by energy vortexes, time with a soul sibling and time rebirthing to really shake things up and rock me to the core!  Whoa!

As I sort things out, I will try to put into words the visions of my spirit, the transformations of my soul and the feelings in my heart.  Thank you to those who have touched my life over the past month and those who have held space for me, be it through thought, prayer, meditation or hope.  I love and appreciate all of you!

 

Honestly speaking…

I do really appreciate your honesty.  I was delighted to have a day of skiing on Saturday with a couple of my girlfriends. The sun was out most of the time, it wasn’t too windy and the snow conditions were acceptable. What was really great was the company,conversation and the honesty. Not everyone feels comfortable to share honestly but when they do, you can really feel the difference. It comes from their heart! It has a different resonance and vibration. It is real!

Sometimes it is accompanied by a nervous giggle as we think “Oh my, I can’t believe I just said that” or “Did that just come out of my mouth?”. The reception though, is usually relief, acceptance or appreciation.  We have taken the chance to share from our heart, to share a bit of our true self.  It is beautiful to be approached from the heart…safe, thoughtful, inspiring and honest.

Thank you for every moment you take to speak from your heart!

 

Gloom, Despair and Agony on Me

Today was a tough day. I could have starred in my own Hee Haw skit singing “Gloom, Despair and Agony on Me”, only it wouldn’t have been a satire. Some days are like that. You just feel kind of gray and that’s okay. It started when I woke up this morning from a dream that was heart wrenching and very unsettling. I immediately wrote it all down and prayed for clarity, wisdom and strength. It has been heavy on my heart every minute of the day.

I also struggled with listening and seeing my children fight. It hurts me so much to see them hurt each other. Even though everyone says they fought with their siblings and all kids do it. I just don’t get it. It seems simple to me. If you want to feel good, be loving to the people around you and keep your hands to yourself!! I’m really feeling at the end of my rope with it!

Who knows, some of the sibling rivalry could have triggered this, but Ryan had one of his hardest days in almost 6 months. Anxiety disorders can play such unfair tricks on the mind and Ryan allowed it to wreck havoc on him. He was in agony after his half day at school because he got a 90 on his spelling test and somehow convinced himself that he got a C which is basically the same thing as an F!

Then my car suddenly acquired a squeal that could wake the dead. I am not exaggerating. The kids tried to convince me to let them walk home because they couldn’t stand to be in the car with that terrible noise. I have quarantined the car until diagnosis and treatment are complete.

So what do you do with a day like this? Put on your overalls and sing. Yes! Or you could order pizza, play Wii, blow off the laundry, have a glass of wine and giggle at your husband in his former pest control, now completely and utterly filthy, auto repair jumpsuit… driving a squealing car around the neighborhood!! Glory be to God that I got through this day and I’ll surely get through tomorrow because I’ll be driving the other car!

 

Assume only love…

I am noticing how the landscape around us can change overnight. Sometimes it is dramatic like fresh snow blanketing the ground, giving the world an almost pure and peaceful effect. Often the changes are more subtle as when a rain leaves everything looking damp and heavy. To some the snow or rain can be a great excuse to cozy up at home and to others it creates complete havoc in their morning commute.

Our lives can change overnight as well. Like when the third baby you are expecting turns out to be the third and fourth or the economic downturn suddenly means you are making half the money for the same hours of work. Recently a wonderful home schooling Mom I know had to make the decision to put her four children back in school so she could go back to work. I can almost imagine the flood of feelings washing over her as the landscape of her life changes dramatically.

So how do we weather these changes with out drowning or getting buried in the snow? My answer for today is ASSUME ONLY LOVE. Assume the snow on the ground is God’s love for the earth, assume the snowy roads are there to remind me to slow down and love myself, assume that there is enough love inside me to love four children as well as three, assume that the hard work and love poured out over years of home schooling will support my children in their new endeavors, assume God’s love is steadfast and will support me in times of financial insecurity, assume that love is all around us just waiting to be seen and felt.