Is there any good time to be unprepared? Possibly. A dear friend of mine, in her early 40’s, just lost her father. She is the first close friend of mine that is around my age to have lost a parent during our friendship. It really got me thinking. She said several times that she was really not prepared for her father to die. Although he had suffered a stroke, possibly several, and was unable to live independently, she wasn’t prepared for him to die. Arranging for a memorial service, figuring out what to do with her father’s body, what to do with the estate and simultaneously knowing how to help her kids deal with their grandfather’s death and grieve herself….a mystery.
My initial response was “Oh My Gosh, I wouldn’t know how to handle all that either”. My next response was thinking that when my friend was ready, I’d have her go over the process with me…so I could know what to do when it happens to me. Yeah, that’s the ticket. Get the details, know the facts, be prepared. It could only help, right? I am sure that being prepared for death has its purpose, its depth and timing, different for each of us.
For me, being unprepared for death, would have an important purpose. To facilitate the feelings of helplessness. To make me feel really small and tiny. To show us that me that I am not in control and that death is final. No amount of knowing (even by a psychic) could make things easier. Feeling helpless is a vital part of moving through the grief. It would be just like me, to try and avoid this kind of pain through thinking I knew what was supposed to happen, organizing, planning, delegating and working out all the details. I bet I could do a pretty good job staying completely out of my heart!
Instead, I have decided to allow myself to feel the struggle and helplessness that comes with being unprepared for death. Stay in my heart!
If you read this, please hold space for my friend Tundra as she grieves the loss of her father then go outside, take a deep breath and appreciate nature…in honor of her father.
I didn’t know when it would happen, just that it would happen. Well, it happened… on Easter Eve.
As I watch nature quenching the thirst of all those spring flowers out there wanting to grow and bloom, it reminds me of how important it that we do this for each other too. It was so nice to make coffee and breakfast for my friend who is immobilized with a severe knee injury. To be able to sit on the bed with her and talk about anything on our minds. It was wonderful to support my husband in his growing self awareness and then to help him pick out his first pair of glasses. (They make him look really hot!)
