A Heart Driven Life

I am very aware this morning of the gifts and blessings of my life…like a friend who is teaching an exercise class for free, getting to soak up the sun and the views in Sun Valley, Ryan doing very well attending school full time and reading like a maniac, having time to myself to get treatments, Julianna transitioning out of an uncooperative stage,  Mike and I going to counseling, being able to save for a family vacation to Legoland and getting a great deal on a condo during a sold out summer season,  friends who are willing to watch our animals, a wonderful place to work and two new knitting projects to name a few!

These are some amazing gifts and I am thankful.  But here is the crazy thing…I notice that I am spending less time thinking about these great things and more time thinking about something I need to let go of!   What a smack in the face.  It would seem that it would feel better to let go and get on to focusing on the bounty that surrounds me.  It is obvious that, what I need to let go of, is keeping me from really appreciating the work God is doing in my life. So just do it!  Right?  Easier said than done.  

It is so hard sometimes to let go.   I’ve been praying for a change of heart, change of mind, cutting cords, talking about it, talking to it, writing about it, visualizing it….but it is still there.  So this morning in my quiet time, the answer I got was LISTEN!  Talk less, do less and listen more.  God is working in me and on me to let go of this situation but it may take time.  The gifts around me are there to encourage me as I struggle with transformation, remind me of how blessed and loved I am even while I am feeling the pain that accompanies letting go. 

I honestly didn’t know what it meant to be grounded, much less know how it felt, until recently.  I used to hear people talk about it and suggest working on it but I really didn’t know what the heck they meant or why it was so important.  I also didn’t know that I already knew how to do it!   

I could give you the electrical engineering definition of grounded:  the reference point in an electrical circuit from which all voltages are measured, or the Webster definition:  mentally and emotionally stable (who me?).  The definition that I did connect most with is: being fully present, physically, emotionally and energetically. 

Unfortunately,  none explanations will really helped me to understand how to do it.  I think that is because being grounded is not in my head or in my mind’s understanding.  For me, being grounded is rooted in my heart.  Once I learned how to connect to my heart, to feel the love that is in and around me I could begin to feel safe and supported.  That was the first step in being able to be truly present in the moment.  It is from there that I could be aware of my physical body, my physical surroundings and notice how they affect me.  Then I could be safe to acknowledge and feel the emotions and energy with in myself and flowing outward. Noticing and connecting to my heart, first, reminds me to acknowledge and connect to my higher power, my soul and spirit and align with the support of the universe.  

I was already doing this in small ways…when I prayed, meditated, journaled, read, worked, held my kids or sat and enjoyed nature.  The key for me is to do it more…as I get the kids out the door in the morning or help them with homework, as I welcome Mike home in the evenings, when I am rushing or when I’m tired and upset.  What a wonderful difference it makes when I am grounded in my heart.  I feel it in myself and in how others respond to me.

So I’d like to encourage you who are wondering about being grounded or want to practice being grounded to try connecting with your heart…become aware of all that is there and see how it feels.  Be in your heart and speak from your heart.  From there we can all grow our roots to the earth and feel our selves connected to each other in love.

I had an idea for this blog early last week when I was feeling more like a goddess than I am today.  I guess this will be an exercise in faith (in myself) to write at this present moment, as I am feeling worried, tired and unsure. 

I bet many of you didn’t know I was a goddess.  I too had forgotten that about myself until recently.  It sounds conceited, to say the least, but it isn’t.  It is beautiful!  We all have a picture of our true essence buried somewhere in our conscious or more likely our subconscious.  Finding it, seeing it and feeling it is an amazing gift to ourselves and everyone around us.  When I was able to do that myself, it was overwhelming.  I recognized it immediately.  It is what I am all about, what fills my heart and resonates with my soul.  The word that came to me was goddess.  A goddess of all that is me!

Then I asked myself who can sees that goddess in me?  My Dad, my Gram, my first love Jon, my old friend Todd, my new friend James and my best friend Anne, to name a few.  There are specific memories or times that I can recall, with each of these people, where I felt so beautiful, appreciated and full of love…just like a goddess.  I know that their love has helped me see that in myself. 

I also know there are more people who can see it too, like my Mom or my husband…but I don’t think I let them or I am not aware.  That is the painful part.  I am aware that seeing and feeling like a goddess depends a lot on what I allow.  I see that when I hold back my true essence, for what ever reason be it hurt, insecurity, anger, or sadness, that goddess is no where in sight.  That beautiful person with robes of love, understanding, healing and laughter…is gone.  How sad.  That is exactly the person who needs to some shining through to guide those relationships to a new place of joy and peace.  When I am unaware of who else might see it, I miss the affirmation of being truly seen and the chance to return the gift.

So with this awareness and honesty I intend to move forward as the goddess I am, to fulfill the purpose of my heart without holding back.  I challenge each of you who read this, to spend some time sitting with the idea of your true essence and see what comes up. I see you as amazing and beautiful….do you see it too?